Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
