Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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