Nicole vs. Life
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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