what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
