Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize