i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
