Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
