In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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