Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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