your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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