dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
