Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
