but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
