somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
