i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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