I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
