I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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