Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
