He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
