I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
