youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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