I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Two words: blizzard sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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