Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
