I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
