I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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