the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
