my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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