alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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