I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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