I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just gift wrapped bread.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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