quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
