Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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