It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
