i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
