He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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