but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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