If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize