piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
