you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
