I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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