i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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