Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
