So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
