Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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