i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
