a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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