if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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