glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
