I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
