I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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