The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
