he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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