I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
