I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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