why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
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