I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
