I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
