can we get nightvision for the apartment?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
