I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
