did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
