I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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