I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
