after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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