the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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