Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
