Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
