I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
