My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
